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31 March 2008 – Ca m’a bien fait marrer

August 31st

Just got transferred with work into our new home in Karratha, Western Australia, now this is a town that knows how to live!! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings.

What a place! I watched the sunset from a deck chair on the veranda. It was beautiful. I’ve finally found my my home. I love it here.

September 13th

Really heating up. Got to 35 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshipper.

September 30th

Added the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing lawn for me. Another scorcher today, but i love it here.

October 10th

This temperature hasn’t been below 35 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat.

At least today it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

October 15th

Fell asleep by the pool. Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

October 20th

I missed Kitty (our cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time i got to the hot car for lunch, Kitty had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag and stank up the $3,000 leather upholstery. I told the kids that she ran way. The car now smells like Wiskettes and cat shit. I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

October 25th

The wind sucks. It feels like a giant fuking blow dryer!! And its hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the blink and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive over and tell me he needed to order parts.

October 30th

Been sleeping outside by the pool for 3 nights now. Bloody $600,000 house and we can’t even go inside.

Why did I ever come here…

November 4th

Its 38 degrees. Finally got the ol’ air-conditioner fixe today. It cost $1,500 and gets the temp down to 25, but the bloody humidity makes the house feel like its about 30. Stupid repairman.

I hate this stupid fucking place.

November 8th

If another wise arse cracks “hot enough for you today” I’m going to fucking throttle him. Fucking heat!

By the time I get to work, the car’s radiator was boiling over, my clothes are soaking fucking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

November 9th

Tried to run some messages to work. Was wearing shorts, and sat on the black leather seats in the ol’ car.

I though my fucking arse was on fire. I lost to layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and my fukin arse. Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass and baked cat.

November 10th

The weather report might aswell be a fucking recording. Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. Hot and fucking sunny.

It’s been too hot to do anything for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week. Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn fucking place? Water rationing will be next, so my $5,000 worth of palmtrees just might dry up and bow into the fucking pool. Even the palms can’t live in this fucking heat.

November 14th

Welcome to HELL!!!! Temperature got to 41 today. Now the air-conditioner’s gone in my car.

The repairman came to fix it and said “hot enough for you today?”

My wife had to spend the $2,500 mortgage payment to bail my ass out of fail for assaulting the stupid fucker. Fuck Karratha! What kind of sick demented fuckin idiot would want to live here?

December 1st

WHAT????? This is the first day of Summer??? You are fuckin kidding me!!!